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Saturday, April 21, 2012

Motherhood Vows: In Defense of Modesty.

New to blogging, I have to remind myself of a few self-imposed rules every once in a while. Mostly because my children are very cute and have such adorable, quickly changing little bodies. Legs that are long and thin, legs that are short and chubby, tummies that are round, shoulders that are scrawny, bottoms that are bubbly and firm. And all seemingly perpetually on display. Eeegads, this pledge may already be overdue.

Most of these rules are grounded in my desire not to subject my children to more embarrassment than I already am able to deliver quite successfully in person.

So, I'm working on A Mommy Blogger Code of Conduct. Featuring a Modesty Clause. I am resisting the term Mommy Blogger for countless reasons, too. Starting with that I've never liked the name, "Mommy" for myself as much as Momma.

I promise never to post photos that will be particularly, or maybe instead just exceedingly, embarrassing. And that doesn't by any means preempt pictures of them in goofy outfits. Chances are, at their ages, what is pictured is their own sartorial handiwork. That I document their temerity to wear various costumes in public cannot be held against me.

Even though I am especially proud of and humored by some of their developmental milestones lately, I am prohibiting some of them from online photos or discussion. For the most part. I will not discuss a significant amount of bodily functions. Or that one or two my children insist they need deodorant because one has just had the "puberty" lesson in school when they really smell like sunshine and soap.

I will not post photographs of anyone sitting on a little pink potty. Even when I am over the moon that our days of diapering are coming to a close. This is a tough stage for me. The Mister says it is because I'm not in control of it. Harrumph. But he's right. I share potty success and cheer it. But I will not let it go viral.

(Instead I will one day do the math on the kazillion packages of Pampers (and yes, the purple ones really are the best) that we have purchased and disposed of and try to do the earth (and our balance sheet) a good deed in kind.)

I promise to try not to say things that will be dug up by college friends (or potential employers or dates) in search functions Google cannot even imagine yet, printed and posted on dorm (or office or space station) walls. I cannot be held accountable, though if postings related to their being cute merit similar attention. Executive Summary thus far: Bare, no. Cute, yes. Embarrassing, case by case basis.

And if we can agree to the above, let's move on to body piercings, smoking and tattoos. Just like putting things online, all of these are significantly easier to avoid than undo. And here let me speak directly to my 4 people: By all means don't start with any of the aforementioned things. And absolutely don't document yourself doing so. See also, sitting on pink potties. You were all, to varying degrees, tricky to construct and done so with great care and help from above. If I'm not crazy about even the oldest of you writing with Sharpies for fear we'll be scrubbing it off you for days, you are pretty well sure how I feel about body art and other decorative things.

Life is tricky enough without putting the worst bits online. I'm hard at work resisting the urge to put the cutest bits online, too. I promise. It is for the best. And you know if the pictures and stories are really worth seeing, I'll just email them to you.

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